Friday, September 09, 2005


The life of an A list offspring can be challenging.

Today was quite interesting…well everyday is interesting really. But today was bit more than usual.

Little Hazel has now stepped up her plot to over throw her brother “Lord Phinn’s” infant regime. She has decided to stake her territorial claim on the play pen area. Unfortunately Veronica Webb’s little darling Molly Blue has already claimed this area, having gained it in a coup against Jermajesty Jackson, earlier this summer. Jermajesty took the defeat rather well…okay…okay so he did demand justice and ranted that his father Jermaine could buy and sell us all. Had he perhaps mentioned his aunt or rather infamous uncle, I might have blinked, but he didn’t. I HAVE MORE MONEY THAN JERMAINE JACKSON.

While picking up the toy arena at naptime I came across a soggy piece of paper entitled “The Manifesto of the Infant Queen”. Reading through it (yes I do read baby scrawl.) I realized that our little Hazel has quite the penmanship for a 10 ½ month old and the mind of maniacal republican (mmmm…that is a bit redundant). I wonder if this is how Bush got started. I knew it was Hazel by the artful pink scrawl at the bottom of the page that double as her signature. Poor Phineas he won’t know what hit him. He did have a good run for a while but unless he and his merry band of babies can come up with a plot to hold on to power, young Phineas can kiss the throne goodbye. A footnote: “Lord Phinny” has not taken to potty training as easily as first thought. It could just be laziness, I’ll have to sit down and speak to him; one on one.

Sweet Apple had her share of issues this week, having to say goodbye to daddy who flew back home to get started on his new tour. While mummy Gwyneth, did the usual round of interviews to promote her new upcoming movie. There seems to be very little “mommy and Apple time” so little Apple has learned the art of tantrum throwing. This includes throwing her body into the legs of every assistant within body throwing range. Unfortunately she tried it on one of our more senior assistants; Ms. Della R. who inadvertently moved just as little Apple was diving to glory. Gwyneth actually took the whole incident pretty well, as she herself has also inadvertently moved during one of sweet Apples most promising performances. Even A list children get no respect.

Young Liam has been with us now for one week. He’s quite the little charmer. I do believe our Coco is crushing on poor Liam, who doesn’t speak a word of sign language. He does seem to fit in with the A list crowd. Although his mother isn’t really an A lister, Liam definitely has the potential to ascend to height of young Maddox, Coco, Milo, Zahara, Aoki Lee, Ming Lee, Dylan Jagger and the others that frequent Phi Phi’s. I figure a few more field trips through the gauntlet of Paparazzi and young Liam will be licking his tongue out with the best of them.

Maddox and Zahara only stopped by to pick up Zahara’s favorite Paris Latsis embroidered blanket. Maddox was once again riding the left hip of ‘La Jolie’, while his sister hung out on her new daddy’s shoulder. Ahhh they are a cute little family to be. But alas while ‘La Jolie’ is orking on the set of her new movie this week, two of our most famous members will be spending the week with Brad-dad…Braddy or daddy as Maddox now calls his mother’s soon-to-be confirmed boyfriend or at the rate Ange and Brad are going…husband. Ange seemed pretty happy considering the letter of “Warning” she almost received from her tabloid nemesis Jen. Brad also looked pretty dashingly divorced with his new dark do and his now ever present paternal smile. You’d think that having kids was the highlight of his life. Who knew? I wonder why he’s never had any of his own. Oh right! His ex did’t want any…or is it that she wanted kids but he had checked out of the marriage...missing a sensitivity chip…OH what the h…does any of that crap mean? It’s all “Friends” lingo for “I just didn’t want any kids, but I don’t want my fans to know I lied about wanting them all along.” I have got to remember to order my ‘Team Jolie’ bomber jacket before fall.

Holding Zahara and her bottle with one hand, he reached over to straighten Madd’s Old Navy fishing hat. Ahhh….so cute. BLEH! I think I liked them better when they were sneaking around. All this up front and honest behavior is setting the world of the Paparazzi Spy Cam back. With the favored blanket in hand the group disappeared into the ocean of Paparazzi that hounds the steps of Phi Phi’s at all times.

That reminds me:

It’s time to release the pigeons again.

Signing off.

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